In the perils of confused emotions

I cried saturday morning before my father came to pick me up. i felt insecure, and vulnerable. there was nothing anyone could do to make it better.

The car ride was awkward. Nobody said anything, except for the few instances when my father asked me questions... He kept making remarks at my hair. okay, i don't take care of it the way other girls do, and frankly, i don't care. It wasn't like he wanted to be mean.. he was just kidding. but if you kid more than once about the same thing.. i start to believe that it's really what he thinks.

My style has changed a lot over the last year. My father noticed that i wore mostly black. I think he noticed my sadness, although he was probably nervous or he didn't know what to do. I am his only daughter, and probably the one kid that he has spent the least time with. He doesn't know me at all and it doesn't seem like he wants to either. I don't care anymore about anything but school and somewhat shawn. shawn was an ass saturday, again. why do i feel as if no one understands me because i am a girl?!  I need a life..

Next weekend i will hopefully go back to quebec city to visit my mom, it's her birthday friday. I can't wait to go back and sleep in the comfort of my own bed. .... I can't wait for this summer, but i am also terribly afraid of what will happen... i'm about to give up.. i'm confused, maybe?